Him ~

M.A

Sebaris nama yang pernah menggetarkan hati aku..
seorang yang pendiam . tetapi penuh dengan lawak dan nakal apabila sudah kenal .
genius bermain catur . impressive . seorang anak yang taat kepada parents .
pious .. humble .. cute .. sometimes nerd =) but.. most of all , his eyes , i can't stop looking at his 
eyes .. i can see calmness .. faith .. and peacefulness in his eyes ..

dunno when i start realise his appearance .. but , i can't believe that .. i've fall in love in him .. yes , im shy to admit it .. but , thats the truth .. the moment he recite al-fatihah by misyari rasyid al-afasy .. my heart cannot stop beating .. my heart beat so fast .. i feel calmness inside his voice.. i fall in love with him that moment ! 
i cannot stop glancing to him .. maybe he did not realize it .. i know .. it sounds crazy to have crush with someone who is younger than us .. but , i cannot stop it .. it is beyond my power .. i've try to stop loving him .. i've also tried to hate him .. but , what i get is worst .. i still cannot forget him .. i've pray a lot .. to stop me loving him .. but .. i still can't..

the sweet-so-called moment with him was when we're at KL ..
join the NAG Chess Championship.. i thought.. i have no more feelings towards him..but.. i was wrong.. i even bought him an icecream ! oh my ..i cannot believe it myself ! am i that crazy ? nope.. i'm just out of control that time.. im sorry A  :(
the worst thing is.. i've made innocent girls trapped in the elevator .. why ? cuz , they were on their way to deliver an icecream to him.. gaaaaa.. that was the most terrible feeling i ever had since forever ! so , i'm so panicked that i just run upstairs and reach the level..where.. HIM also there..not just him.. there's another people too.. our team to be exact .. He try to open the lift..yeah .. to give them air... and i was almost crying though .. well , guilty feeling everywhere ! in fact .. i approached the elevator and slip my finger between the space of the door..*which is just opened cuz He made it*..and guess what ? He stopped me doing that.. he told me that it was dangerous.. and..that moment..  i felt extraordinary feelings in my heart.. i was like.. "Did he just worried about me ?" yeah..that feeling..hmm.. but , somehow.. i don't take it serious..haha..why ?
 hey ! we're at emergency situation maaa.. grr.. then..the lift works normally n both of them were safe. then , i went to my room n take shower for about half an hour.. or maybe one hour.. why ? to calm me down..to forget what just happened.. after that..without dinner.. i sleep *err..not so sleep cuz in my mind.. his face were here and there..*and..after that.. i became silence .. not much talking.. but, my eyes keep on staring at him.. errgghh...whats wrong with me .. ?
until we come back to pahang.. i still cannot stop crush on him.. crazy huh ? i know.. in fact.. i dunno why i like him so much.. we don't chat .. not even jokes..but he takes my heart away..woaa.. i wanna cry ! 

hmm.. what else? oh ! CHESS MSSP ..
oh my.. this is when i really don't understand myself.. 
this is also when he catch my glance.. 
we're got fight..oh no.. that moment.. i felt down.. 
i felt bad.. sad.. and many more.. in fact.. i try hard to hate him !!!!
but , still can't ..urghh..stress..  i declare mental war .. haha..
during night practise.. i'm kinda awkward to play next to him.. cuz..
my eyes cannot stop looking at him... my heart cannot beat normally...
everytime he spoke.. i was like.. why don't you speak with me..
oh my.. i never felt that way before.. that phatetic feeling around me.. 
hmm.. i cannot look at him as usual.. i felt uneasy.. i cannot sleep well ..
ok..i admit.. the next day.. i lose 2 round cuz im not focused .. see ? that's what love done to you.. it kill you ! haha.. don't u dare to love anyone before marriage k darling ?
i discuss a lot with my trusted friends (Fasya n Leman) , they gave me ideas ..
well . acceptable ideas but..hard to do.. they told me that.. both of us *Me n Him* both are EGO .. haha.. LOL.. deep in my heart .. i wanna apologize to him for all my wrongdoing..but .. that Shy feelings makes me feel not confident.. lastly , He came to us *Me n Leman* when we're having short conversation which is also related to himself.. guess wht ? He offers Peace..no more war..well , of course , i do ! eh ? haha.. but , still awkward maa.. haha.. nevermind.. as long.. we are now peace.. not fighting anymore.. i know.. he might be annoyed at me with my childlish behaviour..trust me ! im out of control that time..haha.. sorry k ?
i guess he knows the reason why i behave like that.. he asked a lot with fasya n leman.. they told him the truth i guess..which is.. i crush on him.. but.. thankfully .. he not take that serious..err..i think so..haha.. good then..well.. after we're done with the tournament... both of us were close again..eh ! not so close.. just were not awkward anymore... we can have chat normally .. n sometimes jokes..haha..

but ! when we're at school ..when i waited for my mom n he waited for his dad.. when just both of us left at the canteen.. that awkward feeling came.. dunno what topics should we discuss about....... just krik...krik..haha.. but , sometimes.. we're talk to each other.. but , most of them all about chess.. haha.. bored huh ? not really ..cuz i love chess..so , i have no problem with it.. but.. i can't make eye contact with him..haha.. why ? dangerous dear.. ! haha... his eye....err.. shuh ! i don't wanna describe it.. haha.. i love the way he smile.. and laugh.. haha..
eh.. stop it D ! 

well , now.. i'm on my way to kill this feeling toward him.. haha.. i know it's difficult..but.. not impossible right ? i even confess my feeling toward him on a letter written by myself given to him on his birthday.. err.. i'm blushed actually the moment i saw him at school after that stupi_ confession.. but...trust me.. that is the only way for me to stop myself from liking him.. and yeah ! im slowly forgot him.. we're always chat at FB but.. serious.. i have not much that butterfly feeling in me when we are chatting together.. im just happy cuz he still wanna chat with me eventhough he know my feelings toward him... haha..so , now.. im about 70% success ..what happen for 30% ? well , i threw it away.. haha.. cuz i wanna remember him as my sweet memory.. :)

what i like about him ?
~his Spectacles
~his eyes
~his laugh and smile
~his voice recite Quran
~charismatic
~pious and humble
~genius planned strategy
~good son
~matured sometime
~funny and lazy..haha
~smart and brilliant
~friendly
~responsible and honest
~charming ^_^

#sometimes i got jealous with my own cousin cuz she also crush on HIM .. haha..
what a nonsense thing.. 

P/s :- i know he annoyed with me..sorry k ?